Sshh!…Don’t Tell Him I Told You #3

I know, I know. Don’t kill me. It’s totally been a while but while I’m sitting here barely breathing thru one nostril, I thought I’d share another tale of `Sshh!…Don’t Tell Him I Told You’. I truly thought I had seen everything. I mean, really….I know he’s certifiable but I didn’t think he could surprise me more than he already has.

I managed to keep a straight face when he came in and told me he believed in alien abductions. I shook my head and said, “Uh huh, yeah…sure”, and walked away with a grin but still, I dismissed it. I managed to hold my composure when he told me that he thought aliens had implanted a chip in his head (Psst! *Wink* This one’s loco). Mind you, I only held my composure for a minute before I laughed uncontrollably. I couldn’t help it. I mean what are you supposed to say when people say the most ridiculous things to you and are totally serious about it? And seriously, there is just no rationalizing with the irrational.

Despite all that, I was totally unprepared for the sight that greeted me when I came home last week. After becoming frustrated with my key that wouldn’t unlock the front door, I finally rung the doorbell to gain entrance to my own home. A disembodied hand materialized and flipped the lock and the door widened unaccompanied by the person who opened it. Curious at the lack of greeting, I stepped into the house and glanced behind the door and did a double take. “What the ____?”

Body Wrap

This 6’2 ft tall neanderthal of mine had taken Saran Wrap and wrapped it around and around his head, like three different times. His eyes, nose, and mouth were all visible. It was like he had tried to make a Saran Wrap cast or something. There was some kind of weird milky white stuff under the wrap which I later found out was foot cream. Foot cream…on his face. He looks at me and says, “What? It’s just like a body wrap.” Seriously? I gotta hide Saran Wrap now?!

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