Sshh!…Don’t Tell Him I Told You #1

I’m gonna try to make a post every Friday where I share stories about my boyfriends, past or present. I always seem to date characters so here goes.

My current boyfriend, he’s a hairstylist and as usual for people who work in the beauty industry, he’s always checking out different products. This particular night, he decided to give himself a facial but let me paint the picture first.. He’s 6 feet tall, brown-skinned and slim with a closely trimmed beard. Now I think dude’s tripping ’cause he’s over 40 and he’s always wanting to try some product to stay looking young but I digress.

Now, I buy products here and there but I don’t really use them up so I tend to keep a fairly large stack of beauty products whether they be lotions, sprays, or cremes. Our friendly neighborhood bar is down the street so we decided to order take out. After about 20 minutes I call out to him to see if he’s going to go pick up the food. He emerges from the back of the house and I gotta tell ya, I was damn near speechless.

“What the -?”…. *Blink*, *Blink*

This man had taken my body butter cream, Cinnamon & Vanilla scented, which was a kind of toffee colored creme and he slathered it all over his face. I mean he rubbed it in there too…all in his beard, neck, and the eyes. Who does that? No, seriously, who does that? You could tell that the creme was burning his eyes ’cause he kept blinking real fast and his eyes had turned red like he had been crying. This is how he looked when he went out to the restaurant.

I tried to stop him, I did but he wouldn’t listen and went out the door. You would think that would be the end of the story right? Oh, no…there’s more.

He gets to the restaurant, goes up to the hostess and says, “I’m here for the food.” Her reply, “Ok, it’ll be about 20 minutes. I’ll put your name on the list.” Guess what? Yep, he did. He went outside and waited around looking like the most out of place black brotha with 3 shades too light for him creme on his face with red eyes. Finally, he goes back in and tells the hostess he’s there to pick up the food. She directs him to the bar. When he gets to the bar, the bartender, according to him, acted like he wasn’t speaking English because she kept staring at him.

He came back home nearly 45 minutes later from a restaurant that is literally five minutes away. He came in the door agitated, frustrated and pissed off.  I tried really hard for the first 15 seconds not to laugh at him but by the end of it, I was crying, holding my side and slapping my thighs. At the end of his tirade, he had nerve enough to call the women dumb.

Stay tuned, I’ve got more.

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